Why Are So Many Christians So Eager to Defend Pornography?

A little while ago, there was a huge uproar in the Christian world about a movie and a series of books, both of which were highly inappropriate and dealt with lust and sex. I wrote a post about my thoughts on both.

Now, knowing that the movie contains a good deal of nudity or implied nudity and the books are full of very explicit sexual content between two individuals who are not married, you would think that it would be a no-brainer for Christians to avoid these things. I mean, yes, it is true that all things are lawful for us, but even Paul recognized that not all things are beneficial. Sadly, though, this was not the case.

In a forum for youth pastors, I came across an individual who was in youth ministry who had gone to see the movie and was adamantly defending her decision to do so, saying that she saw nothing wrong with it and that her husband was fine with her going. Does anyone else see a problem here? This is a woman who works with teenagers, defending a movie that she had no business seeing. That would be like me encouraging my students to watch American Pie or something similar.

Another bizarre event took place when I posted a link to an article about the books and asked folks to read it, just to get a different perspective on what they were reading. I received an email blasting me for posting the article, claiming that I was being judgmental and judging peoples' marriages. Please note, I did not make any accusations or even say that people shouldn't read the books. I merely offered the article as a different perspective.

I think this is just proof of the hard work that youth pastors have to do. We are constantly crashing into a popular culture that glorifies sex and is doing its best to normalize sexual behavior of all types, including things that previously were not even discussed in private company. Even sadder is that many parents are reading those books or watching those movies, completely oblivious to the impact such decisions will have on their children. I mean, if mom can read it, why can't I read something similar?

Lust Is Still Lust...Even When Girls Are Doing It

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. - Matthew 5:28

In the world of youth ministry, lust is a huge issue. Youth pastors are constantly hammering the boys to keep their eyes in their heads and not to think dirty thoughts about girls. They are also constantly hammering the girls about modest dress and making sure that they are not causing their Christian "brothers" to stumble by the clothing they wear. And this is not without a good reason. Like I said, lust is a huge issue. Porn addiction is extremely prevalent in young men...and young women.

There has been a great deal of controversy of late about a series of books that detail a very graphic sexual relationship. I have not read them and have no desire to. The controversy arises from the fact that many women in churches are reading these books and talking about how much they enjoy them. To me (and many others) this is the equivalent of a guy openly discussing how much he enjoys looking at Playboy or some other porn magazine.

The same thing has been done with a movie about the world of male strippers. Again, I have not seen the movie. But imagine the backlash that would arise if the boys in our youth groups were openly discussing a movie about female strippers or porn stars. We would have them and their parents at the altar confessing before the band could play the first chord.

I guess what set me off (and caused me to write this post) is my sadness over what I perceive to be a double-standard when it comes to lust. For some reason, it is horrendous when a young man talks about sex or posts a picture of a girl in a bikini on his Facebook, but many will give a pass to a young woman who posts pictures of half-naked men. I can't tell you how many Christian women I know who post inappropriate pictures and clips to their Facebook pages and Pinterest boards.

The book of Proverbs talks about adultery being like taking fire into your jacket. You aren't going to escape without getting burned. Our young men are bombarded with sexual images and many are falling into the trap. Our young women are having the same thing done to them, but no one seems to be making a big deal about it. It is a big deal!

Lust is lust, regardless of who is doing it. Men, we do need to be careful about what we are looking and watching. We need to be careful where we allow our thoughts to go and we need to capture every thought for the glory of God. But at the same time, women, it is important that you are doing the same. Just because a book doesn't have pictures doesn't mean it isn't causing you to lust. And the excuse of "Women aren't turned on by visual images" doesn't really hold water in this argument. If that was the case, the movie about the strippers and the pictures on Pinterest wouldn't be so popular. There is too much at stake to even allow the smallest amount of lust into our lives.

John Owen, a Puritan preacher, had this to say: "Be killing sin or it will be killing you."

The Sad Reality of Abortion

I know the other day I wrote that I was going to focus on all things youth ministry and attempt to keep that focus for this blog. However, as I am typing this, I am looking at my beautiful wife and my newborn son sleeping on the couch. I can't imagine a more beautiful picture and I am overwhelmed by the blessing that God has given me.

At the same time, I just read a blog post about a woman in China who was abducted and forced to abort her second child because she was in violation of the one-child policy and could not afford to pay the penalty. While I am not writing this to debate the morality of that policy, my heart is breaking for that family and for those who believe that abortion is a "reproductive right" and who will angrily argue for a woman's right to choose to terminate a pregnancy.

Please take a moment to visit the link below. I must warn you that the pictures are incredibly graphic and sad. You will see the devastating aftermath of abortion, forced or otherwise. The aborted baby's body was thrown on the bed next to the woman. With the exception of the fact that she is dead, the baby in the picture is no different than my son.

This is the reality of abortion, a very sad reality. A dead child and a heartbroken mother.

Here is the link. You may also want to visit here.

Why Your Students Should Emulate Tim Tebow When It Comes to Sex

Yesterday, I wrote about the scorn that Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones are experiencing because of their public decision to abstain from sex until they are married. As is quite evident, our culture is extremely sexualized. There are shows and movies that are devoted to nothing more than people having sex. Pornography has become increasingly prevalent, even commonplace. These things are no longer considered shameful. Our society has made sex the barometer for how a relationship is faring.

With that in mind, how do we, as youth ministers and parents, show our students that sex is worth waiting for? Here are some ideas:

• Teach your students the truth about sex. Too often, sex is portrayed as being Shangri La, this wonderful, marvelous, can't-live-without experience and your life will not be complete until you've had sex. In reality, this is often far from the truth. Without going into too many details, sex is often not like what is portrayed on television or in movies. Students also need to know that life will go on even if they haven't had sex yet.
• Don't scare your students about sex. When I was growing up, there was an entire cottage industry devoted to scaring students into not having sex. We were given tons of facts about pregnancy, STDs, and sexual assault. It was the equivalent of the Scared Straight program. However, as we all know, teenagers often believe that they are bulletproof. We don't need to scare our students with the scary details of premarital sex. We need to be open and honest about the realities of sexual behavior outside of marriage.
• Teach your students what the Bible says about sex. Christians have a bad reputation for being anti-sex. People outside the church think that Christians hate sex. This couldn't be farther from the truth. We need to teach our students that sex is enjoyable, but that there is a very serious reason to wait. It has nothing to do with the possibility of an unwanted pregnancy, an incurable disease, or a lifetime of regrets. No, the real reason for abstaining from sexual activity before marriage is found in 1 Corinthians 6:15. Paul tells us that when we become believers, we are united with Jesus in His body. Our bodies are now His body. Paul goes on to say that when a person has a sexual relationship with someone, he becomes united with that person, essentially becoming "one flesh." We need to teach our students that when they have a sexual relationship with anyone other than their (future) spouse (after marriage), they are uniting Christ's body with that person.
• Be there for your students. If a student makes a commitment to wait to have sex until marriage, there will be times of difficulty. There will be times where they are ridiculed, just as Tim Tebow is often ridiculed. There will be times where their hearts will break because a boyfriend breaks up a relationship because the girl will not have sex. As youth pastors (and parents) we need to be there to offer comfort and a listening ear.
• Pray for your students. Spend time praying for your students to be strong in the face of temptation. It can be difficult for a student to say no, especially given all of the messages that are constantly bombarding them. Also pray for them as they deal with the inevitable heartache that will arise from their decision to wait until marriage.

Sex can be a wonderful thing. It is a gift that was given to married individuals for both pleasure and reproduction. Like any gift, though, it is for an appropriate audience, so to speak. We need to make sure that our students understand that God is not anti-sex, but that He has created it for a particular reason and we need to help them understand that reason. Doing so will go a long way to helping them wait for sex. Even when it is difficult.

What are you doing to help your students wait until marriage for sex?

I'm Tired of Hearing about Tim Tebow and Lolo Jones

Over the past few days, it seems like any time I turn on the sports station, I am hearing about Lolo Jones. For those of you who don't know, Jones is an Olympic hurdler who recently announced that she is saving her virginity until she gets married. This has been the cause of a great deal of ridicule. It would seem that no one on the radio can believe that an attractive young woman is capable of saving herself until she is married. If she is saving herself, then there must be something wrong with her.

Since she is a high-profile athlete who isn't sleeping with everyone who comes along and since she has made the public proclamation that she is not going to have sex until she is married, Lolo has been tied into Tim Tebow. Tebow is a quarterback for the New York Jets and an outspoken Christian. He has also made it clear that he is saving himself for marriage.

Frankly, I'm tired of hearing about it. Not because I don't appreciate the message that is being proclaimed and the fact that there are some heroes for young people to look up to. No, the thing that I am tired of hearing is all of the ridicule that is being heaped upon these two for their decision not to have sex. Enough already! It is sad that this is the world that we live in, a world where two people can choose not to have sex and they are considered freaks.

It breaks my heart, but it gives me the motivation to teach my boys and my students the way it should be.