Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Five People Every Church Has

Alright, it has never been my desire to start a humor site or parody my church or the churches that are similar. That being said, after the fun that was had with yesterday's post about being a Baptist, I decided to have a little more fun.

Some time ago, there was a list of the 25 Friends You Have on Facebook. It was a pretty humorous list and everyone probably has at least one of those friends. I have decided to make a list of the Five People Every Church Has.

  • The guy who yells "Amen" at inappropriate times during the sermon. This is the guy who wants to show the pastor that he agrees with what is being said, but he may not be paying attention fully. He might yell "Amen" when the pastor is saying that Balaam rode a donkey or that he used a certain type of bait during a recent fishing trip.

  • The lady who can't carry a tune, but still gets asked to do special music. The Bible tells us to make a joyful noise and this lady lives by that statement. Unfortunately, what is joyful to some is not always joyful to others. She tries her best, but she was just not blessed with the ability to sing. She is very passionate about what she does, however. Of course, if you go to one of those churches that only lets "The Band" do music, this lady probably doesn't go to your church.

  • The slightly obnoxious guy who thinks he should be involved with every aspect of the church because he went to seminary. This guy has some training, so he immediately feels like he should have his finger in every pie, from the youth group to the ladies' fellowship to what kind of diapers should go in the nursery. Trust him, he went to school. He knows what he is doing.

  • The lady who refuses to say "No" to anyone and the people who take advantage of her. This poor lady hasn't been in a service since 1972 because she is always filling in for someone in the nursery or Jr. Church. She has a great spirit about it, but there is always someone who knows she won't say no, so she is always on this committee or preparing that meal.

  • The guy who disagrees with the pastor on everything, but refuses to find a new church. This guy feels that his spiritual gift is to be a "thorn in the flesh" of the pastor. He disagrees about the length of the sermon, the color of the pastor's tie, and how much the pastor should be paid, all in the name of keeping the pastor humble. Of course, when confronted, he will readily declare his loyalty to the church and the pastor.

  • Please note: I did not have any in particular in mind when I was coming up with these sketches. If you read this and can immediately identify someone in your church who fits that mold, shame on you.

    Are there any people that I forgot to add?


  1. don't forget the child who kicks the back of your chair/pew...

  2. I'll do you one better. How about the kid that is a holy terror and everyone (except his parents) knows it. He makes children's church workers tremble and the poor VBS worker who has him in her class for the week is looking into a reservation at the Betty Ford Clinic.

  3. I believe I have met every one of those people at some point. But the one that make me the maddest is the guy/woman who schemes and talks behind your back, then smiles to your face and says, "Good message, brother!"

    1. Yes, there are quite a few of those individuals in every church, aren't there?